it's a word we've used a lot in the last 5 days.  even though i think i was trying not to face it, the closure i was seeking is only just the beginning.  this act that i thought would bring closure is simply the first step.  true closure is most likely never going to happen...and the reality is, it doesn't have to.  by God's mercy, it doesn't have to.  He gave His only Son...and because of that, we will get to see our son again one day.  so in a sense, we are closing a chapter, but we will continue to look forward to the end of the story.

this act?  what is she talking about?

last night, as the sun was beginning to set, we buried our son's body.  our son, Tobiah Charles.

there's a reason you are given 9 months to decide on a name for your children.  it is not an easy task, especially when you are trying to do it quickly.  but, we both decided (almost immediately) as soon as we saw the meaning of the name Tobiah.  YAHWEH is good.  yes...He is.  even when we don't understand how, we KNOW He is.  even when we are tempted to doubt, we KNOW He is.  this name is fitting as a constant reminder for us.  in our sinful state, we desperately need this constant reminder.  YAHWEH is good.

we have been incredibly blessed through this whole process.  we initially found ourselves very overwhelmed and spinning with trying to find a place to start.  many people donated their time to make this happen for us and we are exceedingly grateful.  words simply cannot express it.

this is probably the last post on this subject, but i needed to put it here.  thank you all for your prayers.  we have truly felt them as we have a peace in knowing that YAHWEH is indeed good, even when we don't understand His providences.  i am thankful to be one of His children, as i cannot imagine this situation without that hope.  as i have tried to understand and figure Him out i keep coming back to C.S. Lewis's description of Aslan...

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver... "Who said anything about safe?" "Course He isn't safe.  but He's good.  He's the King, I tell you."


Karen said...

i don't know what to say mandi. i'm overwhelmed with your honesty, openness and faith. you have been in my thoughts and prayers constantly and i'm glad that you and greg have found an appropriate way to honor your son and grieve his loss. may God continue to comfort you and give you peace my friend. if there is anything we can do to help, we would love to help ease your burden.

Brenda said...

Mandi You and your family are a living testament of the love and strength given to us through Christ.Thank you for reminding us of his blessings even in times when we cant understand WHY Youre in my prayers p.s.Have you read the book Heavens for Real?

Little Leonard's Mama said...

Praying for ya'll.

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